You can learn a lot from a juicehead. At least Jim Cantiello can. Last night our intrepid pop-culture reporter — who was inspired by Snooki and company to visit the Sunshine state — took copious notes on the "Jersey Shore" rules of etiquette. Chief among his lessons learned: Wife beaters are strictly pre-club attire. Got that?
According to the Situation, the T-shirt of choice of the brah set is round-the-house wear only. "We wear them before we go out," Sitch explained. "Right before we go out, we take off the tanks and put on our fresh shirts."
The second lesson of the night came courtesy of Pauly D, who made it very clear that a real Jersey Shore man doesn't need water to bathe. Apparently, an aerosol can of an Axe-like body spray will suffice. Before their night on the town, Pauly did his personal best to fist-pump the hole in the ozone layer over Florida by spritzing his entire body with the stuff. (Ecosystem? What ecosystem?). Now we know Pauly D is that guy — you know, the one you smell a few seconds before you see him. Greaaat.
The third note of the night? Not everyone gets the Situation — especially in Miami. When Mike tries to order pizza, the delivery man thought he was joking when he gave his name. Welcome to Miami, Sitch. Also good to know: Blaming it on the al, al-al-alco, alchohol never gets old. After last week's brazen three-way kiss in the club, slut puppy Ronnie went home and bragged that he was going to "smush" his ex. "Are you asleep?" he asked an obviously snoozing Sammi before climbing into her bed. When confronted about his free-loving behavior the next day, Ron-Ron used the too-much-booze excuse for his behavior, claiming he blacked out.
But the biggest lesson learned from last night's episode comes courtesy of Angelina, who found out that mack-squashing and jaw-smacking are no way to build a friendship. After having one or two (or 10) too many, the most hated roomie on South Beach (JWoww told her to sleep with one eye open) decided she would watch out for her boy Pauly by thwarting his attempts to hook up with women. She called it "warning" him. He said she was "co--blocking." She responded by saying that she loved him and wanted to marry him. Then she slapped him for emphasis. Oh, Ang ... violence never solves anything.
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